The Absolute Best Way to Make Buffalo Wings, According to So Many Tests

The world’s largest chicken wing hangs from a hook outside of a Hooters in Madeira Beach, Florida. According to a blog post published by national chain restaurant Wings & Rings, the wing weighs half a ton and hangs from a 14-foot-tall crossbeam, ov…

The world's largest chicken wing hangs from a hook outside of a Hooters in Madeira Beach, Florida. According to a blog post published by national chain restaurant Wings & Rings, the wing weighs half a ton and hangs from a 14-foot-tall crossbeam, over three buckets of hot sauce.

It is a replica of a drumette made from plastic, and when I called the establishment to inquire about why, the woman who answered the phone said simply, “It’s just a gimmick, a joke.”

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The Absolute Best Way to Cook Shrimp, According to So Many Tests

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist, and ranked potat…

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist, and ranked potatoes from “most forgettable” to “potatoes we’d like to marry.” Today, she tackles shrimp.


Humankind’s first known shellfish feast occurred sometime around 163,000 B.C., in a cave on the southern coast of South Africa. Many millennia later, excavators found a bowl of roughly two dozen edible creatures, including mussels and at least one barnacle that had previously resided on the belly of a whale.

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The Absolute Best Way to Cook Potatoes, According to So Many Tests

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s boiled dozens of eggs, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a c…


In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's boiled dozens of eggs, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist. Today, she tackles potatoes.


I don’t mean to alarm you, but Gen Z has discovered potatoes.

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The Absolute Best Way to Make Chewy Cookies, According to So Many Tests

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a…

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist. Today, she tackles cookies.


It recently came to my attention that there is no consensus on the definition of “chewy” among the people I count on for taste-testing. Unfortunately, this happened to coincide with the afternoon I asked those exact people to rank that exact characteristic across 24 batches of cookies.

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The Absolute Best Way to Cook French Fries, According to So Many Tests

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a…

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist. Today, she tackles French fries.


I have a friend who jokes that the sinister underbelly of this column is that each month, I am forced to identify the exact point at which a delicious food becomes revolting. After I hard-boiled hundreds of eggs, I couldn’t look at one for a year. And I still haven’t recovered from 2019’s porterhouse sear-off.

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The Absolute Best Way to Make Jam, According to So Many Tests

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a…

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist. Today, she tackles jam.


Jam is perhaps summer’s greatest spoil, if you, like me, don’t love a pool party and get a stomachache from Mr. Frosty.

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The Absolute Best Way to Make Chicken Nuggets, According to So Many Tests

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a…

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist. Today, she tackles chicken nuggets.


On November 17, 2020—some nine months into the global coronavirus shutdowns—Leah Shutkever, 31, awoke with a single goal in mind. She donned a Jobsian turtleneck, tied back her hair, and took a seat at her counter in Redditch, England, with only a bottle of water and a large container of processed meat by her side.

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The Absolute Best Way to Cook a Hot Dog, According to So Many Tests

In Absolute Best Tests, writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of truth. She’s mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiol…

In Absolute Best Tests, writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of truth. She's mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist. Today, she tackles hot dogs.


One Sunday in February 2014, at Seattle’s Fremont Market, six customers spent $169 apiece on a hot dog unlike any other.

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The Absolute Best Way to Boil Eggs, According to So Many Tests

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more Porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a…

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more Porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist. Today, she tackles hard-boiled eggs.


Humans have been boiling eggs for a very long time.

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The Absolute Best Way to Brown Mushrooms, According to So Many Tests

In Absolute Best Tests, Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s boiled dozens of eggs, mashed a concerning number of potatoes, and roasted more broccoli than she cares to recall. Today, she tackles mushro…

In Absolute Best Tests, Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's boiled dozens of eggs, mashed a concerning number of potatoes, and roasted more broccoli than she cares to recall. Today, she tackles mushrooms.


On September 19, 1991, Helmut and Erika Simon—two German tourists traversing the eastern ridge of the Fineilspitze peak in the Ötztal Alps—stumbled upon something unexpected: a dead man.

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