The Absolute Best Way to Grill Vegetables

In Absolute Best Tests, Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s boiled dozens of eggs, mashed a concerning number of potatoes, and seared more Porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall. Today, she tackl…

In Absolute Best Tests, Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's boiled dozens of eggs, mashed a concerning number of potatoes, and seared more Porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall. Today, she tackles cheeseburgers.


If I’m not manning the grill, I am standing right next to it, completely transfixed. (Just try to show me your vacation pics, I dare you.) Cooking over an open fire has always fascinated me, perhaps because I grew up with a father who quit organized religion to worship his Big Green Egg, or perhaps because a properly charred bite of pork belly is a universally transcendental experience. And unlike a neighbor with a story to tell me about his achilles tendon, the grill never ceases to run out of ways to surprise me at a cookout.

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The Absolute Best Way to Marinate Chicken

In Absolute Best Tests, Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s boiled dozens of eggs, mashed a concerning number of potatoes, and seared more Porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall. Today, she tackl…

In Absolute Best Tests, Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's boiled dozens of eggs, mashed a concerning number of potatoes, and seared more Porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall. Today, she tackles marinated chicken.


I used to think that marinades were pointless. Or, more accurately, I wasn’t really sure what they did for flavor—blame the honey mustard craze of my youth. I wasn’t sure how or why I might employ one to lock in moisture when I could simply dry brine. So more often than not, I skipped them.

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The Absolute Best Way to Make Cheeseburgers

In Absolute Best Tests, Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s boiled dozens of eggs, mashed a concerning number of potatoes, and seared more Porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall. Today, she tackl…

In Absolute Best Tests, Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's boiled dozens of eggs, mashed a concerning number of potatoes, and seared more Porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall. Today, she tackles cheeseburgers.


At 1500 West Colorado Boulevard in Pasadena, California—an otherwise unassuming corner—if you look down at your feet, you might be surprised to find a plaque that reads as follows:

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The Absolute Best Way to Make an Egg Sandwich

In Absolute Best Tests, Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s seared more Porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, tasted enough stuffing for 10 Thanksgivings, and mashed so many potatoes she may ne…

In Absolute Best Tests, Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's seared more Porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, tasted enough stuffing for 10 Thanksgivings, and mashed so many potatoes she may never mash one again. Today, she tackles the egg sandwich.


The breakfast sandwich has been around for far longer than you or your hangover.

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The Absolute Best Way to Bread Chicken

In Absolute Best Tests, Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s boiled dozens of eggs, mashed a concerning number of potatoes, and seared more Porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall. Today, she tackl…

In Absolute Best Tests, Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's boiled dozens of eggs, mashed a concerning number of potatoes, and seared more Porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall. Today, she tackles chicken cutlets.


Most chicken cutlets one encounters in the wild are pretty good. The average one wears an armor of crunch that’s seasoned heartily enough to play smokescreen for any dryness inside. Usually doused in a sauce, or pressed between two halves of an Italian roll, or blanketed by melted American cheese, breaded chicken is the form of cooked poultry Most Likely To Be Fine, whatever the circumstance.

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The Absolute Best Way to Make Juicy Pork Chops

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s boiled dozens of eggs, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a car…

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's boiled dozens of eggs, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist. Today, she tackles pork chops.


My fiancé and I disagree about a lot of things, but none comes up more regularly than the pork chop. To Nate, it is the perfect dinner. To me, it is usually a disappointment.

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The Absolute Best Way to Make Buffalo Wings, According to So Many Tests

The world’s largest chicken wing hangs from a hook outside of a Hooters in Madeira Beach, Florida. According to a blog post published by national chain restaurant Wings & Rings, the wing weighs half a ton and hangs from a 14-foot-tall crossbeam, ov…

The world's largest chicken wing hangs from a hook outside of a Hooters in Madeira Beach, Florida. According to a blog post published by national chain restaurant Wings & Rings, the wing weighs half a ton and hangs from a 14-foot-tall crossbeam, over three buckets of hot sauce.

It is a replica of a drumette made from plastic, and when I called the establishment to inquire about why, the woman who answered the phone said simply, “It’s just a gimmick, a joke.”

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The Absolute Best Way to Cook Shrimp, According to So Many Tests

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist, and ranked potat…

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist, and ranked potatoes from “most forgettable” to “potatoes we’d like to marry.” Today, she tackles shrimp.


Humankind’s first known shellfish feast occurred sometime around 163,000 B.C., in a cave on the southern coast of South Africa. Many millennia later, excavators found a bowl of roughly two dozen edible creatures, including mussels and at least one barnacle that had previously resided on the belly of a whale.

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The Absolute Best Way to Cook Potatoes, According to So Many Tests

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s boiled dozens of eggs, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a c…


In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's boiled dozens of eggs, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist. Today, she tackles potatoes.


I don’t mean to alarm you, but Gen Z has discovered potatoes.

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The Absolute Best Way to Make Chewy Cookies, According to So Many Tests

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She’s mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a…

In Absolute Best Tests, our writer Ella Quittner destroys the sanctity of her home kitchen in the name of the truth. She's mashed dozens of potatoes, seared more porterhouse steaks than she cares to recall, and tasted enough types of bacon to concern a cardiologist. Today, she tackles cookies.


It recently came to my attention that there is no consensus on the definition of “chewy” among the people I count on for taste-testing. Unfortunately, this happened to coincide with the afternoon I asked those exact people to rank that exact characteristic across 24 batches of cookies.

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