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Just Stop! Putting So Much Lettuce on Your Sandwich

I don’t know if it’s because I grew up among immigrant adults or if reading Dante’s Inferno in high school taught me that there’s an entire circle of hell for the wasteful, but I absolutely dread not finishing a meal. If I come to your house, you serve…

I don’t know if it’s because I grew up among immigrant adults or if reading Dante’s Inferno in high school taught me that there’s an entire circle of hell for the wasteful, but I absolutely dread not finishing a meal. If I come to your house, you serve me dinner, and I don’t finish it all, I will literally think about it for the next 24 hours. It doesn’t even matter if the cooking was bad—I just can’t stand leaving anything on the plate. I am always John Candy in The Great Outdoors eating every single piece of steak, even the gristle. That is why I find the overuse of greens on sandwiches to be especially disturbing. If I wanted a salad with my sandwich then I would have ordered one. Instead, I get a sandwich with a pile of leaves on it, and I feel obligated to stuff them all in my mouth.

Getting the feeling that somebody went outside and raked whatever was growing in the garden onto my sandwich is one thing; what’s even worse is the truly disturbing amount of tasteless, worthless shredded iceberg. At this point I’m convinced iceberg is a weed that covers the planet, and perfectly decent sandwich makers just get a steep discount on it, thinking it will add some crispness to the finished product, when all it does is make the sandwich taste wet or dirty, or usually both. The madness, I say, must end.

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Cheech Marin Loves Snacks, Noodles & Decriminalizing Cannabis

In The Green Scene, there’s no such thing as a silly question about cannabis. What’s the difference between THC and CBD? How the heck do I make edibles at home? What home design advice can dispensaries teach me? Kick back—we have the answers.

The go…

In The Green Scene, there's no such thing as a silly question about cannabis. What's the difference between THC and CBD? How the heck do I make edibles at home? What home design advice can dispensaries teach me? Kick back—we have the answers.


The good news is that Cheech Marin is awake. “Kind of. Sort of,” the comedy legend says, logging in over Zoom at his home on the west coast. The only bad news is—well actually, there’s no bad news to speak of for the next 40 minutes, because I’m talking with the Cheech Marin: the school bus driver, the guy who stands outside the club in Dusk Till Dawn and goes over the, um, entertainment inside; the Cheech in Cheech and Chong, the guys who mainstreamed good, fun stoner vibes into the bloodstream of America over 50 years ago.

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Why Toasting Is Extra Meaningful This Year

Growing up, I could never figure out how to speak any language besides English fluently. I had a rabbi stand with me to read my Torah portion during my bar mitzvah, and I learned only the barest minimum of French, to check off that high school requirem…

Growing up, I could never figure out how to speak any language besides English fluently. I had a rabbi stand with me to read my Torah portion during my bar mitzvah, and I learned only the barest minimum of French, to check off that high school requirement. The reason for my struggle, I’ve always believed, is that the adults in my life spoke multiple languages. There was Yiddish, French, Polish, Russian, and Spanish. It seemed as if the adults who spoke more than one or two languages knew when to change things up in order to throw off the children from knowing what they were saying, and now, here I am: an adult who has a hard time learning another language.

But I’ve always retained a good memory of how to say “cheers” in various languages. When I’m traveling to a country where another language is spoken, it’s the first thing I learn. Whether it’s Japanese, Farsi, or German, no matter where you come from or how you say it, I love your toast. Toasting, to me, is one of the most beautiful moments you can have with a group of people. Raising a glass is something that we can all do together. And now that we can actually do that again, toasting is more important than ever.

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Is a Patty Melt a Hamburger or a Sandwich? Either Way, It’s the Best

I’ve realized that the population of my Brooklyn neighborhood, where I’ve lived for a decade, can be divided into buffalo chicken salad people and patty melt people. I put myself in the latter category. One of my favorites was the patty melt they serve…

I’ve realized that the population of my Brooklyn neighborhood, where I've lived for a decade, can be divided into buffalo chicken salad people and patty melt people. I put myself in the latter category. One of my favorites was the patty melt they served at beloved local spot MeMe’s Diner, which closed its doors in 2020 but has been reborn as K.I.T., a natural-wine spot that also sells excellent baked goods.

But here’s the question: Is the patty melt a sandwich or a hamburger? Because if it’s a burger, then we enter a minefield of issues that people just love to debate when it comes to things you can grill in the summertime and put between a bun.

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